Don't Judge Me Because...I Have 9 KidsPregnancy & Parenting

December 06, 2011 04:53
Don't Judge Me Because...I Have 9 Kids

If you saw my entire family walking together down the street, you might stop and look. Most do. After all, it's hard to miss us. My husband had three children when we got married, and we had six more together. I love my big family. There's never a dull moment, and there's always someone to talk to, a shoulder to cry on or an elbow for support. The house is never empty and there's always something exciting just ahead on the horizon for at least one member of our family.

But nine kids is an atypical figure, and an outing together can provoke some interesting - and occasionally shocking - comments from strangers. Here are the top 10 most common comments, and the responses I gave (or wish I had!):

1. Don't you know what causes that? ("That" meaning babies, of course.) Yes, we did take high school biology. And, well, I guess we're pretty good at it. Still, each of my kids was a choice.

2. Which of your kids would you rather not have? Yes, I've actually been asked this in front of my kids. I'm like any mom - some days, my kids annoy me equally, but I love them equally as well. I wouldn't give any of them away for anything (nor would their siblings, I hope!).

3. How can you afford all those shoes, prom dresses, etc.? The same way as you, I think: One bill at a time. (I'm not asking parents of a smaller family what they are doing with their extra money, am I?)


4. The holidays must be crazy expensive for you! Actually, they don't have to be. One of the most valuable lessons I can teach my children is that finding the perfect gift doesn't mean getting the most expensive one, but the one that really lets the recipient know you were thinking of them. And that doesn't have to cost a lot.

5. How will you send them all to college? I imagine that most of us reading this weren't sent through college without paying something. Scholarships, grants, work-study, jobs and loans are there for a reason. Interestingly, the friends of my college-age son whose parents paid for school don't seem to be taking it nearly as seriously as my son, who's working full-time and paying his own way.

6. Don't your kids fight like crazy? Of course! And, yes, sometimes it's a bit intense, especially now that I have four teenagers. As many fights as there are, though, there's an equal amount of loving moments.

7. I'll bet it's loud in your house! Yes, but any house with kids is loud, right? I've known families with one child who can give my six a run for the money in the noise department!

8. How do your kids have any privacy? My kids do share bedrooms, but learning to share space is important -- after all, in college or in long-term relationships later in life, they'll likely have to share space.

9. How do your kids get time alone with their parents? It's not always easy, but it's important. It's a combination of scheduling time and grabbing a free moment as it arises. We have more people asking for attention, but no one's slighted when it comes to getting time alone with me. (Except maybe me.)

10. I'll bet your older kids resent your younger ones -- don't they have to do a lot of babysitting? We prefer to think of it as paying for your room and board. But, seriously, I'm aware of how often I ask my big kids to watch the younger ones and try to keep from abusing the privilege. This might mean I don't do all of the activities I want to do right now. But life moves quickly and, soon enough, everyone will be out of the house and I can take all of the chandelier swinging classes I want. (Though by then, I may be too tired.)

Of course, I hear more supportive comments too, like "God has surely blessed you!" or "I came from a big family and I loved it!" But when the comments are less sensitive, sometimes I want to say: Yes, I understand our size makes us an anomaly in America today. But we're not a sideshow (or a reality show!). We're just a family. And, like any family, we're trying to live our lives in the best manner possible -- if on a slightly larger scale.

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